Article by Annie McMillen, Photography by Laura Webb
To most people the concept of Professional Wrestling seems like an oxymoron, but to others it is a dream they are willing to chase down the sewage drain and across the globe. Decked out in neon-spandex or bedazzled costume gear called “gimmicks, these men and women give their bench-pressed all to putting on the best show possible. Through formal training, through pain and injury, through hours upon hours of labor, the men and women of AIW taught me about the personal dedication and love that is all part of being a pro-wrestler.
For those of us in the 20-30 age range, the mention of pro-wrestling triggers a strong feeling of youthful, late 80’s nostalgia. Perhaps even a few readers are now skeptically eying their old school Ultimate Warrior plush dolls, wondering if this is the time to pursue their own Mickey Rourke (botox gone bad) version of “The Wrestler”. Well, lace up your grappling boots and man your mutton chops…get ready for a glimpse into the gritty world of Absolute Intense Wrestling, Cleveland’s premiere wrestling underground.
Heavily influenced by early ECW (a wrestling organization from the late 90’s renowned for their excessively bloody, violent, anything-goes style) AIW was founded in 2005. Since then, they have been steadily building a cult following by putting on the wildest and most creative matches imaginable all around the Cleveland Metro area.
With several training schools in the area (the largest of which is in everyone’s favorite suburban slop-hole, Elyria) many would-be hero’s of the ring sign-up for a prolonged period of relentless training, at times working directly under a pro-mentor who teaches insider tricks of the trade. Now, I will be the first to admit that I had no idea that wrestling school existed…I just assumed they popped out of the womb drop kicking shit…but upon inquiry, I discovered that training consists of more than just your run of the mill weight lifting, incorporating aspects of theater, gymnastics, yoga, and martial arts. These courses normally run the better part of a year, taking place for several hours a day. Many of the wrestlers I spoke to fondly recalled the time they spent traveling around with a group of other wrestlers and doing clean up, taking down the ring, and other stuff that is customary during the training period.
As I discovered from the wrestlers themselves, getting your ass beat with a two-by-four is a lot more complicated than it looks and the threat of serious injury is always lurking with every leap from the top rope. Although admittedly choreographed and loosely scripted, the pain, as they attest, is unquestionably real. Indianapolis based wrestler Drake Younger almost lost an areola to a florescent tube, Vince Nothing sustained a broken pelvis (in a match with the Necro Butcher, who appeared in the Darren Aronofsky film previously mentioned), John Prohibition (famed for his character in the X-Box game – Backyard Wrestling, which he was never paid for) endured a concussion with several days memory loss, Hailey Hatred cracked an orbital bone “but nothing too crazy”, Christian Faith is covered in scars from hardcore matches conducted with broken glass and barbed wire…in fact, everyone I spoke to mentioned a variety of injuries, everything from broken feet to elbows so dislocated that they flopped lifelessly as the audience observed in horror or even – with joy.
Needless to say, by the time Absolution Four (the equivalent of Wrestlemania) began, I was half-drunk and all fired up to witness everyone in action. Upon arrival, I saw several Tailgaters stapling barbed-wire to a three-by-six piece of plywood board. My initial thoughts were – “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” and “this is gonna rule”!
The night’s advertised events included a flag match (Latin Crime Syndicate VS. Homeless Handicap in a fight for the right to fly their nation’s flag), a dog collar match (“The Passion” John Thorne VS. Hailey Hatred), a “Table, Chairs, and Ladders-OH SNAP” match (Faith In Nothing VS Young Studs), as well as a “Bring Your Own Weapons” Championship title match where the audience was instructed to bring whatever they wanted (Jimmy DeMarco VS Drake Younger).
Once everything got underway, not only was I impressed by the level of acting ability the performers had, but by the fact that anyone in Ohio was that athletic. People were diving off top ropes, back-flipping, round housing, strangling each other with chains, throwing each other effortlessly against plywood boards covered in tacks and god knows what else. Their body types ranged from washboard abs to tubs of flub, many easily topping 275 pounds with statures that were at least 6’6”. The more blood that was poured, the crazier the antics, the more involved and ravenous the crowd became. At one point during the ladders match, the ring became a sea of steel as audience members began hurling their chairs into the ring. Announcer Denver Colorado proudly declared: “This is like a scene from a Jewish Ghetto”. The whole time I couldn’t help but think “this is completely fucking insane…” and soon thereafter the crowd began to chant “holy shit”.
From several hardcore aficionados, I was told that Cleveland fans are often referred to by other fans in the circuit as “drunken thugs”, known across the Midwest for their lewd and out of control behavior, more often than not, becoming a part of the show itself. At this juncture, allow me to stress that AIW is not for the politically correct. Chants of “emo-faggot” and “go back to Hot Topic” were rife, along with cries of “make my sandwich” at the appearance of AIW’s lead female wrestler, Hailey Hatred. Whether or not this is some bizarre manifestation of suburban male ego-tripping angst, I’ll let you be the judge…but even ten year old kids were shrieking “you suck” at any small mistake, nearly frothing at the mouths. The crowd itself was composed of a rather surprising mix of people from both genders and all races…which goes to show you, a love of violence really is one of the most basic ties that bind humanity across the board.
As for me, I’m pretty tough (at one point I contemplated the stage name “Kike von Dyke” for my spoken word performances since it pretty much sums up everything anyone needs to know about me)…so if offensive or twisted humor is not your bag, I would not suggest this. AIW is not out to re-create some high-brow rendition of “Les Miserables”, save that shit for the high school auditoriums…this is straight from the gutter, backyard style, bar room brawl-esque insanity. For a $10 ticket, you get all the beer you can guzzle and every episode of Jerry Springer ever recorded, rolled into one three hour bonanza of hyper-violent entertainment. These events are in your face, and as Jason Gory so aptly pointed out – “UFC guys don’t go into the crowd and start fighting each other”.
One of the largest arguments I hear as to why people do not attend pro-wrestling events is because it’s fake…well fuck, the matches are arguably just as real as the season five finale of Survivor or anything else on “reality” TV. The Duke, who traveled all the way from his home in Atlanta Georgia, shined some light into the reality – “It’s all entertainment, everyone’s here to enjoy it, but wrestling has a stigma attached to it that some people just can’t get past. People don’t think it’s real, but ask any of us tomorrow how we feel. I just got done half an hour ago and 50% of my body hurts”.
In a culture that is so fixated on fake reality, how can someone judge the merit of these individuals who give their all into making sure others have a good time? The level of artistry I witnessed, along with the sheer amount of energy put out by the AIW crew is something in itself to be admired…the relentlessness with which they pursue their objective is more than could be said of a lot of bullshit “artists”, who can barely pass as gallery doorstops.
Now, before you drop this magazine and attempt a flying elbow off of your garage roof, why don’t you go check out the Absolute Intense Wrestling website at aiwrestling.com and check out a video…you won’t be disappointed – I sure wasn’t! Their next event is set to take place in September; and given that my car isn’t repo’ed by then, I hope to see you there!
Thanks to everyone at AIW for letting me come down and have a great time, especially Aaron Brauer (manager of several wrestlers and a team) who took the time to share some of his expansive knowledge and show me the ropes!
I’ll now sign off with my wrestling name: Little Orphan Annie
